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  • James Rohr

The Self-Love Myth


The Myth: You have to be healed in order to attract a fantastic relationship.


The Truth: The fantastic relationship might be the thing that helps you to fully heal.



So often I hear from women who say that they aren't ready to date because they need to heal themselves. They feel they need to be better, be content by themselves, be healthier, have their shit together before someone who has his shit together would want to be in a relationship.


I love that these women are willing to be self-reflective and not look for a man to fix them. But, if the dream is to create a fantastic relationship, the only way that is going to happen is by being in relationships.


It reminds me of the story of the monk who goes to a cave to attain enlightenment. He does, and then he returns to his village to find that his wife has taken up with another man. He proceeds to bang on the door, scream, yell, throw rocks at the window.


He goes nuts!


So much for enlightenment!


All the self love and self healing that you do on your own may completely dissolve once you start dating again. But if you forge your self love and self healing while staying focused on creating, attracting, and manifesting an extraordinary relationship, you'll find a completely new level of strength and resilience.


Take moments of rest if you need them, but don't isolate yourself.


More often than not the 'I need time to heal myself' or 'I need to have more self love' is an excuse to stay hiding, to not go up against the pain or loneliness of rejection or dating frustration.


It gives the illusion of working on yourself, which is now a noble, valiant, and culturally-appropriate response to being single.


And how will you know that you love yourself enough to attract a great relationship?


If you never leave the cave, or if you venture forth with new self-love but with the same old relationship habits, what will change? Without connecting to others, that self-love will only get you so far.


Dating smarter, having a game plan for relationships, and enlisting proper support is a much more efficient and effective approach.


That's why I do what I do.


Dating and opening up to someone can be scary, and my clients don't have to do it alone.


If what you dream about is a great relationship, let's open up the possibility that you're lovable no matter what health, relationship history, or self-love levels you have.

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